


There's always a way out

by Machmto



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Depression, Motivational, Other, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-07
Updated: 2019-06-07
Packaged: 2020-04-12 09:45:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19129537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Machmto/pseuds/Machmto
Summary: Jun always keep his feelings bottled up inside, he had countless breakdowns and depression. He doesn't know what to do.For everyone who's troubling with mental issues, for those who's depressed and having a suicidal thoughts.





	There's always a way out

**Author's Note:**

> I made this because this past year I've been having so many breakdowns, I've been stressed and depressed about things, even little things and I couldn't talk to anyone about it, even my parents. But I feel relieved somehow a few days ago, and tried to talk to my friend about it. I wanted to cheer up everyone who's having a hard time, I know it's hard I've been there, but let's do our best to overcome this.

Jun had never felt comfortable in telling his private life and his emotions. He’s always the listening type rather than the chatter type. He shows the cool, can do it all, organized, diligent, smart, perfect side of him, but he always hide his true feelings.

Though he is trying his best in everything, he’ll always get badmouthed each day. He cried more than he looks like, he had so many breakdowns that it’s countless. He had think about suicide but never had the guts to do it, simply because he’s scared of the thought of knives, or pills. To put it simply, he wanted to die peacefully at least.

He’s been keeping everything to himself for all his life, he never had a friend he can share his stories to. All he wanted is a friend who’s willing to listen to his problems, a friend who won’t judge him for what he thinks, a friend who’ll stay by his side no matter what. But whatever he did, he never found that special friend. In fact, he himself became “that special friend” to someone else.

He really felt tired about his life, the amount he cried in the past, the pain in his chest, he just wanted to let that go.  
But what could he do but to hold it all in? Everyone seemed fine with their life after all. Why it must be him out of all the people ? He wanted to be like others, he wanted, but he couldn’t.

He sighed as his suicidal thoughts hover all over his head. He had only began his life in university but he feel more depressed and stressed, and he wish he could die here instantly.

“J, come on Oh-chan is waiting for us” his roommate-Nino called him from the door.

“Coming” he said while trying to not sound so broken. He was in the middle of his breakdown. He closed his books and put on his jacket then grab his wallet and his phone. He walked out of the room with a brilliant smile that no one could ever see through.

Jun and Nino were having lunch plans with Ohno-who-Nino-previously-called-as-Oh-chan, and the rest of the gang, Aiba and Sho. Ohno is their senpai, he’s two years above Jun and Nino, while Sho and Aiba are on the same year, only a year ahead from them.

The first time they met was when Ohno was looking for a few people to be extras on his new movie project. That’s when he met Jun and Nino eating on the cafeteria, while Sho and Aiba coincidentally was passing by them. Turns out Ohno likes them, and they formed a bond.

The ride to their destined lunch place took about ten minutes by car. When they arrived, Ohno was waiting for them outside, and after they got off from the car, he led them to a private room. Sho and Aiba are already there, waiting for them.

“Why the fancy private room? I thought this is just like our usual lunch plans” Jun pointed out after a while. Normally their lunch plans are just simply ramen restaurant, nothing fancy especially things like private room.  
Not to mention everyone’s mood was quite serious.

Jun tensed up, is he going to get scolded again? How many times he have to say it, he’s been scolded, badmouthed so many times but he’s never gotten used to it, so it still hurts every time someone does it.

But of course he wouldn’t say it to his friends, not when he has to look cool and perfect and always happy. He could cry his pity life later on. He never wanted to bother anyone with his problems. He knows that everyone has tougher problems than his stupid problems.

“Sit” Sho said, pointing to the seat at the edge of the table. Aiba sat next to Sho, he doesn’t show his usual cheery face, he shows a quite rare serious face that he only shows when he’s focusing.

Jun obediently followed Sho’s instruction. His voice was rather deep, which scared Jun as he rarely use his deep voice. Already, he felt like he’s going to puke. He wanted to escape right here, right now.

Ohno then walked to the remaining two empty seats and sat on one of them, followed by Nino. He tried to loosen up the air by his nervous laugh, but it didn’t work.

“Um, why are you all being serious ? Come on, tell me how’s your day” he said trying to lift the mood, but it did no damage.

“You guys are being weird, something’s wrong? You can talk to me if you like. Or did I said or did something wrong ?” he began to laugh nervously. But still they won’t talk.

Suddenly, Nino holds his arm, which cause a surprise to Jun. He lifted one of his eyebrows as he is very, absolutely confused about what’s happening.

“Nino ?” 

“Jun” Aiba said which shifted Jun’s focused to him. He’s not used to their serious side, and he’s really scared right now.

“We know” was what he heard from Ohno afterwards. He chuckled nervously.

“Know what?” he asked, confused and worried. Know what about him, what did he do wrong this time ? He never talked about them behind their backs, so what is it now.  
Nino let go of Jun’s arm and he shuffled through his bag. He took a notebook out from his bag and placed it on the table. That notebook, the one that Jun knows very well.

“My journal” he said then he picked it and hugged it tight to him. His precious journal where he wrote his feelings and emotions. If they found and had this that means he’s busted. His act gone to waste, they’ve seen his pathetic side. All that’s left is for them to leave him afterwards. How, why, what, who, questions keep popping out on his mind. He’s anxious.

“Calm down, J” Nino patted his back, but he couldn’t feel calm, not like this.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry” he kept repeating those same words.

“It’s not your fault” Nino said again, pulling Jun into a hug. But Jun keep shaking his head, denying what Nino said and believing everything is his fault.

“Why didn’t you tell us about your true feelings? You don’t trust us?” asked Sho. Jun kept silence and shaking his head, he’ll gone mad in a few seconds.

“You felt great pain but why you keep it bottled inside? I’m sure we can work things out if only you just tell us” Aiba said, camly and comforting.

“No, no. You guys are lying, if I told you, you’ll be the same with others. Telling me I’m stupid, I don’t remember anything, I can’t do anything, I’m lazy, I’m an idiot, It was a fault that I’m alive, I should die, I don’t have talent, I’m not smart, I’m not worth it, I don’t know art, I’m a worthless piece of shit-“

Ohno slapped him before he could finish. Jun fell to the floor and cried, he really hated this side of him, especially because now he has shown it to others.

Ohno slapped him was also quite a surprise to everyone, no one has ever seen him angry before, and he’s always been the quiet type.

“Quit your bullshit and listen to me. You are worth it, you are worth living. Don’t let those bastards tell you otherwise. You’re hardworking and creative, and those who can’t see that are simply stupid for calling you otherwise. You’re not an idiot, you are a genius. If you don’t like it then say it. Stand on your grounds, hold your head up high and be proud of yourself. Don't let others tell you otherwise. Because there’s only one you and no one was made to be stupid. It’s okay to not be perfect, everyone has problems. It’s okay to not act cool and happy, everyone has their sad moments. It’s okay to be who you are, because some people, people like us four, will gladly accept you no matter how much flaws you have. We’ll listen to your problems even if it sounds stupid and not worth thinking, we won’t judge you. I understand that you don’t want to bother others, but it’s fine once in a while right ? Sometimes voicing out your feelings to someone only will make you feel better about it. Suicide is not a way out, even though you couldn’t take it any longer. Now you have friends, you could just come to one of us and cry, we won’t judge. Honestly, cheer up for once, and not for act only. But cheer up purely from your heart” he said.

Jun cried he let his tears wet his t-shirt and his jeans. He never knew they would care for him. He’s been to into his act that he forgot that there’s real people who cares for him.

Everyone else joined Ohno, sitting in front of Jun. They hugged him so he’ll calm down, he never felt this loved before. He hugged them tightly, as he is grateful for this one eventful lunch.

He now knows he has people he can rely on, while he’s not perfect, no one is perfect either.

 _At times, it's okay to cry_  
_It's also okay to show your weak points_  
_But don't give up there_  
_You can still do it_

-Fight Song 

 

**Author's Note:**

> please don't think about doing suicide, you are worth it, I'm sure you can do it. Lots of love and warm hugs


End file.
